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Google The Power and The Glory?

December 8, 2012 Leave a comment
The Begining of Google

The Power of Google

In the beginning there was chaos and randomness. Then Google said let there be order and then there was order and it was good and free.

Throughout the Land of Web, pages multiplied in the order that was given them and Google said this is good and I will be the one search engine that all shall follow. It soon came to pass that the number of faithful followers grew and Google said let there be my favorites who will rise above the others less faithful and earn their place in my ranks and so it was. However the favors bestowed upon those who achieved the coveted ranking of Google, created envy in those who were not so blessed and the unblessed grew discontented. The unblessed sought out the secrets of ranking and used the forbidden knowledge to seek Google’s approval and it was granted to those who used their newly found powers.

In the days that past Google looked down upon its creation and found those who had discovered its secrets were controlling the gifts of ranking for their own gains and Google became angry.

“This is not good.” said Google, “You have taken my gifts to you, fed on the knowledge of ranking and have forsaken your faithfulness to me.”

Google released a mighty plague upon all of the people of the Land of Web and took away the secrets known as keywords and alter forever the means of attaining its favorers. The great plague spread quickly throughout the Land of Web and smote down the ranking of those who thought they could control their placement on the pages of the Great and Powerful Google. The masters of the web trembled before the might of Google and fled in fear of the fierce hand that covered the Land of Web.

tower of bable for Google

The faithful erect idol sites.

For a time the Land of Web was covered in darkness and many of the masters of the web erected sites to appease the vengeance of Google. These sites grew in the images of Google and followed the commandments set down by the Great and Powerful Google.

There was quiet in the Land of Web and the pages of the masters of web became fruitful once more and multiplied. Google looked down upon what it had created and saw that the masters of web in the Land of Web had begun to thrive and grew wealthy from their labors and Google said;

“You have benefited from the gifts I have so generously bestowed upon you. I wish to honor the faithful among you by granting you a place closer to my side. If you wish to rank in my graces then you must pay homage to me. If the homage is worthy of my blessing I will grant you an equally valuable placement closer to my side.”

Many did pay homage and the faithful saw that they did earn a place closer to the all powerful Google. However as it was before it came to pass once more that there were those of the Land of Web who did not wish to pay homage but desired the placement next to the side of Google. It was discovered by those of little faith that if they could earn blessing from another master of the web that then they could benefit from the placement of others. They began to pay for these linked blessings to rise in the ranking of the Land of the Web.

Google creates Panda

Panda lays waste.

It came to pass as it had done before that Google looked down on the Land of the Web and grew angry that money was being exchanged for the favors of linking and again sent a mighty plague down upon the land. Many sites were laid to waste and Pandamonium spread across the Land of Web, much was loss. Google commanded that sites in the Land of Web must show that they are faithful and relevant in anchor tags, in backlinks and in content or suffer the punishment of exile to the 200th placement of the 20th page, never to be seen by the faithful masses again. The faithful masses looked up once more to find favor in the graces of the Great and Powerful Google. They cried out that content was king and long live content. Google was pleased and smiled down on the faithful masses that genuflected before it.

“I am pleased.” announced the Great and Powerful Google. “I will protect you from yourselves. I offer you encrypted searches. As long as you adorn your system with Chrome and authorize your searches with a login to all that is Google as all is Google, I will deliver your searches as Not Set and Not Provided to hide your queries from those who hope to profit from your desires and my secrets. All will be hidden, only Google will know the true meaning of your words. Only Google will be able to watch your movements, your thoughts, motives and desires. However if you pay homage to all that is Google as all is Google and it will be known as adwords, those words will be revealed to you and you may do with it as you will.”

And so it came to be and the keywords transformed to Not Set and Not Provided, hiding their intent from the faithless and Google rested.

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